Listening for what wants to be shared

I have a mind that never stops. That is always asking questions. Reflecting. Wanting to know more. Do more. Be better. Sometimes it leads me to great places. Sometimes it gives me more questions than answers and leaves me feeling more lost than when I started. I feel like I’ve tried many different things and not stuck with them. But I also have a handful of things that I come back to time and time again (in bursts). 

But I have frequent moments where something lands. I feel it in my body. Something feels like it needs to be shared. Not because it’s advice or overly awe inspiring, but because it’s something that I’ve pondered on for so long and I wonder if perhaps it will help something land in someone else as well. 

I am a multi-faceted human being. I have tried for so long to fit myself into a niche or a genre and in the end the passion fizzles out. I don’t think I’m meant to always be one thing. It all feels so final. So limiting. 

What I have come to discover over the years is that for me, I need to listen to my body. I need to listen to my body in the present moment. (Case in point: tonight is my ‘night off’ from the kids’ bedtime routine. Last week I decided that tonight was going to be for self-connection, journaling etc. I meditated and felt so deeply tired in my bones afterwards that I just couldn’t do it. I chose a romance movie instead. And now I’m here… feeling relaxed and inspired). Repetitive structure is appealing at times, but then so is saying fuck it and leaving it all up to the moment. Doing what you know you need right now. Don’t get me wrong, there are certain things that I will push through, but there’s a larger end goal that serves. 

I go through phases where I want to watch romcoms every night, and then others when TV repulses me and I deep dive into personal development. In winter I love to knit; I love the coziness of it all. In summer, all I want to do is sit out on the deck in the evening with a cup of tea. I’m tired of letting the things I think I ‘should’ be doing, take over from the yearnings I have inside me. 

How do you fit yourself into a box when there is so much out there you want to experience?

I’ve had this urge to write for as long as I can remember. I start a blog, or a newsletter, then it fizzles out. Because the thoughts that I have a month later don’t fit the niche that I’ve put myself into. So I stop. The passion wanes. I feel like a failure. Like I don't know who I am.

But what if…

What if I just allowed myself to share? 

What if I just allow myself to share because it feels good?

What if by sharing I inspire someone else to step outside of their box?

Sometimes I want to go all in on writing about homeschooling and rhythm and how much I’m loving it. Other times I want to write about my creative urges and how fun it feels to learn something new. Others… others I want to write about how heavy the mental load is and that instead of trying to fix it I just want to curl up under a weighted blanket and be still for a few hours. I want to talk about how this life is the one that I would choose over and over again, but that doesn’t mean it always has to be fun and easy. I want to share my love of staying true to yourself in a world that constantly puts endless options on the table. 

That feels very contradictory to write… I guess what I’m getting at is: do what feels good for you. Don’t take up opportunities just because you can. Take them because it feels good for you to do so. If staying in one lane feels amazing for you - do that! If having multiple hobbies that you rotate depending on how the week has been feels best - do that too! The only rules you need to follow are yours. 

Right now, I want to just write. Without rules. Without expectations. Without boundaries. I want to write because it feels good and because I’ve ignored my body's signals for too long now. 

Let’s see where this goes!

J x